It’s amazing how life can change.

It crossed my mind yesterday that if my ex Joseph and I had actually stayed together, today would have been our 13th anniversary. That’s a scary thought. We split up almost six years ago and yet somehow managed to stay friends. Though it definitely took a couple years before that could even happen.

It doesn’t even seem possible that I’ve known him that long. So much has happened since then.  It’s like a whole lifetime ago. I was so completely different. My life was so completely different. I had a mother, a brother who loved me, shared an apartment in San Diego with my fiance, had a fantastic job that gave me great benefits and made lots of gamer geeks be jealous of me. Maybe I didn’t have it all then, but I had a lot.

Monday is another anniversary. (What is it with me and May anniversaries anyway?) On Monday, it will have been two years since I met P in person. That seems so long ago as well. We were so happy then. So blissfully happy. I still vividly recall the first time I saw him in that train station. The way that we both grinned so hard, the way we ran up to each other and hugged each other tightly. The way we instantly felt like we belonged together… That memory always used to make me smile widely. I still smile at it. But now, it’s a small, wistful smile. Oh the things that could have been. If we’d been different.

If he’d been different.

If he hadn’t been so afraid of everything.

In My Mailbox is a weekly meme hosted by Kristi at The Story Siren which showcases what the readers have received in their mailboxes over the past week.

My best friend and I have a slight problem. Two in fact. We both love books and we both love to shop. This week was no exception. On Wednesday, I had a day off from work so we decided to spend a day in Tukwila, Washington. There’s a ginormous mall over there and several fantastic shopping centers. It’s a great place to spend a day shopping with your bestie. So we made a day of it, including going to the movies. We saw The Raven, which was absolutely fantastic. Gory, but fantastic. But I digress.

There’s a great secondhand bookstore there called Half Price Books. As per the name, everything there is at least half of the publisher’s prince. They have a huge selection of books across multiple genres. So how could two book lover’s like us possibly stay away? We couldn’t. I’m not sure how long we spent in there. It wasn’t more than an hour. I’m trying to save up for an apartment so I’m careful of how much I spend. But I got 9 books for under $45. Where else can you do that?! So what all did I get? I’ll happily tell you as the picture cut off two books:

Buttercream Bump Off (Cupcake Bakery Mystery #2) by Jenn McKinlay
The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger
What The Dead Know by Laura Lippman
Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro
Thirst #4 by Christopher Pike
Incarnate by Jodi Meadows
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

Yes, I have in fact read the whole Harry Potter series. And loved it. But I have been wanting to get all the books in hardbound. And not only where these three hardbound, but they were all American first editions AND I got them for the INCREDIBLY low price of only $3 each. Yeah, I could not pass that up at all.

So those are my pretty amazing purchases of the week. What did you get this week? Tell me all about it!

Mother’s Day has pretty much been a sore point for me for the last four years, since I lost my mother. Every year I usually just try and keep busy and pretend that this day doesn’t exist. This year, I decided to do something different.

Anyone who has been reading this blog for even a little why, knows that I am currently staying with my best friend while I get back on my feet. She’s been amazing with me while I deal with my problems. Whether it’s my depression, my PTSD or my break up. So I figured that the least that I could do would be to make her mother something for Mother’s Day. Which brought me to cupcakes. Let’s be honest, everything brings me to cupcakes. Cupcakes are amazing.

I found a great recipe for Spice Cake Cupcakes from Dinner With Julie (god I love her site). I did tweak the recipe just a little. I took out 1/4 cup of milk added a 1/4 tsp of ginger and a 1/4 tsp of nutmeg. The flavor was fantastic but the cake was just a teensy bit on the dry side. Not horribly dry, just a little too dry. So next time I think I’ll use oil.  But other than that, they came out very well.

I cheated with the frosting though. I used a vanilla frosting from Pillsbury and then added pure maple syrup and brown sugar and then whipped it up until it was nice and fluffy. The result was a delicious, sweet and fluffy frosting that complimented the spice cake perfectly. I just hope that Irene’s mother enjoyed them as much as we did.

Oh, and then since Irene has never had white cake before, I made a quick white cake cupcake with cotton candy frosting using the new Duncan Hines frosting starters. So good!

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
Part of me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

I’ve been silent for awhile and I debated about writing about this, but I needed to get it off my chest. I’ve run the gamut of emotions from sad and depressed to angry and frustrated. As several of you know, I have been dating a guy from Vancouver off an on since May of 2010. Well, I visited P up in Vancouver for the last weekend of April and when I came back, I was single.

I can’t say that I’m surprised. I knew going up there that this would probably happen, but I was hoping that I was wrong. We could have been something beautiful. Maybe we could have one day. But if I’m honest with myself, that possibility ended back in October when he chose someone else over me. Even when they split up and we rekindled our relationship, it wasn’t the same. It was tainted. Changed. For the worse.

Read the rest of this entry »

“Waiting On” Wednesday is a weekly meme that is hosted by Breaking The Spine, which spotlights upcoming releases that we’re eagerly anticipating. My selection for this week’s “Waiting On” Wednesday is:

This Is Not A Test
By: Courtney Summers
Publication Date: June 19, 2012

It’s the end of the world. Six students have taken cover in Cortege High but shelter is little comfort when the dead outside won’t stop pounding on the doors. One bite is all it takes to kill a person and bring them back as a monstrous version of their former self.

To Sloane Price, that doesn’t sound so bad.

Six months ago, her world collapsed and since then, she’s failed to find a reason to keep going. Now seems like the perfect time to give up. As Sloane eagerly waits for the barricades to fall, she’s forced to witness the apocalypse through the eyes of five people who actually want to live. But as the days crawl by, the motivations for survival change in startling ways and soon the group’s fate is determined less and less by what’s happening outside and more and more by the unpredictable and violent bids for life—and death—inside. When everything is gone, what do you hold on to?

Aside for my massive love for anything regarding Zombies, I absolutely adore Ms. Courtney Summers. Her characters are memorable and painfully human, making them easy to relate to. Her plots are intricate and well-developed. She’s just a fantastic author and her books are always great reads. I highly recommend her to everyone. I even follow her on Twitter and get a kick out her tweets (not to mention the fact that she’s completely adorable). So yes, finding out that Courtney had written this novel was like a dream come true. I cannot wait for June! What are you currently waiting on?

I’m always talking about how it’s the little things in life that truly make me happy and give me the most enjoyment. So, in an effort to help promote positivity in my own life, I decided to create a list of the little things that have made my day throughout the week.

01) Talking to my co-workers about confused feelings
02) Long talks with friends
03) Comforting hugs
04) Mocha Mint Halls cough drops
05) Reading a great new book and not being able to put it down
06) Curling up with an old favorite book
07) Listening to the rain as I fall asleep
08) My amazing friends
09) Reflecting on life
10) Realizing that just because you screwed up, doesn’t mean you’re screwed
11) Starting a new journal
12) Falling in love with a new pen all over again
13) Making plans for the future
14) Playing “The Question Game” with someone you care about
15) Warm showers after a hard day of working

In My Mailbox is a weekly meme hosted by Kristi at The Story Siren which showcases what the readers have received in their mailboxes over the past week.

My first In My Mailbox on the new and improved SheShines.net is a small one, but didn’t you know? Great things can come in small packages and quite honestly, I think this is one hell of an IMM!

The Lover’s Dictionary by David Levithan
Dismantled by Jennifer McMahon
Think Twice by Lisa Scottoline
Wither by Lauren DeStefano
Practical Magic by Alice Hoffman

I purchased The Lover’s Dictionary Wednesday afternoon and by Thursday night had already finished it. (That was after a day of shopping and dinner out with my bestie as well as an 8 hour shift at work on Thusrday.) It was fast read and a really well-written book as well as a creative idea. I cannot wait to review it, or to read more books by Mr. Levithan.

I adore Jennifer McMahon so I’m really looking forward to reading Dismantled and I’ve wanted to read Wither for quite some time now. I actually had a copy which was lost when I moved a few months ago. The Lisa Scottoline book sounded like a terrific thriller, and I am a sucker for a great thriller. And finally, Practical Magic. How can I even begin to express how much I love this book? If I were to make a list of my absolute favorite books, this one would be high up on the list. It’s beautifully written, haunting and how could I not like a book about witches and witchcraft? Besides, Alice Hoffman just has a way with words that will leave you breathless.

So, there’s your peek inside my mailbox! What did you get this week? Tell me all about it!